J Neal C C (srijiva) wrote in practicalmagick,
J Neal C C

My Lessons Are Hard To Learn Sometimes

I am an olde dabbler in Chaos Magick.


However, I kisse the White Witch of Santa Cruz and was Sent to Portland.

Lately I have been lonely and as misunderstood as ever. I have endured and survived one Hella BAd Ass Year and am coming back to my senses after a magickal journey through the kingdoms of my mind. I acheived this first by practicing my austerities and halting the ingestion of a daily regiment of anti deppresants and anti psychotics and methadone last march and by April I discovered I was Awesome and that they can call me a high functioning Austistic if they'd like... Asperger's Syndrome is what I knew I had casue it empowered me soooo much to be able to do proper self-analysis.

an unfortunate set of events, however, landed me into the darker recesses of my mind, having compulsively traveled to Oakland California.... psychotic, well intended, and impoverrished. an infected blister from a sandal turned into MRSA STAF (flesh eating staf infection) and that had an even greater influence on my already cartoonish altered state of consciosness. that is where i loose memories and sense of timeline. i barely remember most of what occured. I know some of the facts and I have memories... some i question... some i can prove with little momentos or business cards i collected. my favorite piece of evidence is the "Kitty Stationary" i'd bought on Telegraph Avenue before going to The Berkeley Hare Krishna Temple on Durant. I was visited by an Alien who manifested and dematerialized right behind me... in broad daylight summer. Wow... she was amazingly gorgeous. she had cat like eyes and porcelin pale skin that was unblemmished. she had amazing eye make up and a buzzed old shcool punker girl haircut. her clothes were novel. a t-shirtish something and pants that were full of pockets and zippers... cargo-ish like... perfect for traveling around a planet... light travel... This is my account and I swear by it fully. I Saw Cat-Woman from Outer Space.

Anyways... I gotta go to my homegroup NA Meeting now. what else do i do? nothing. i do nothing cause i am afraid i know way too much for most to fathom. i can't fathom mot of it myself. all i know is that my Pagaen Beliefs and Up Bringing and Sole Wiccan practices help me to continue to endure the Chaos of this existance. My experiences too prove that serentiy and orde can and do stem from Chaos.

thanks for reaing this.
Om Shanti Om...
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